Fredrik Nostragedamus prophecy for 2022 in DN
JANUARY
After being arrested by the police on New Year’s Eve for two years in a row, rapper Yasin Byn is looking forward to starting 2022 in freedom. But at the favorite restaurant Nosh & Chow, he happens to stand up and toast, a violation of the pandemic law, and is arrested by the police. Yasin can take comfort in the fact that he has been nominated for the first time in all categories at the P3 Gold Gala which is broadcast live from the Kronoberg Detention Center.
FEBRUARY
The antivaxers who previously revealed that “DELTA OMICRON” is an anagram for “MEDIA CONTROL” discover that the letters can also form the words “MERAL CITODON”. They accuse reality soap star Meral Tasbas of being behind the pandemic but are unable to do anything about it because they have developed a serious opiate addiction.
MARS
In a desperate attempt to curb gang violence in Stockholm’s suburbs, the Islamist terrorist group Al-Shabab is allowed to open a free school on Järvafältet. Under the slogan “security and tradition”, they want to be an alternative to the Swedish flume school. “The criticism of our school has nothing to do with reality. It’s bullshit, ”says principal Al-Shabarbara Bergström when the Swedish Schools Inspectorate has views that students are beaten with bamboo sticks and sham executed.
APRIL
Yasin Byn is conditionally released in exchange for “doing something for the young people in the town” and appears in Staffan Hildebrand’s new recording of “Stockholmsnatt”.
MAY
Abba’s holographic live comeback ends in scandal when members ‘digital aliases sing about killing the unfaithful dogs and are cleansed of the martyrs’ blood. When Abba changes his name to Al-Shabbab, it becomes clear who hacked Björn and Benny’s hard drive.
JUNE
Before Abba regains control of his avatars, Al-Shabbab has time to produce the musical “Mamma Mia Sharia” about a mother who is stoned to death because she does not know who is the father of her daughter.
JULY
One of the stars of the anti-wax movement, the house artist Eric Amarillo, who in 2021 recorded a conspiratorial version of his hit “If the truth will emerge”, gets into trouble when it turns out that “DELTA OMICRON” is an anagram for “OMAN ERIC DOLT”. Eric Amarillo is accused of causing Avicii’s death in Oman but manages to convince his followers that the tragedy was due to alcohol, as evidenced by the fact that the letters can just as easily form “TIM CL OROANDE” and “OMAN LOT CIDER”.
AUGUST
The first summer with live rock in three years! But heterosexual men have forgotten how to connect the so-called Ledin grip on their girlfriends during the ballads. 22,000 reports of sexual harassment are received after Håkan Hellström’s concerts at Ullevi.
SEPTEMBER
Expressen publishes 15-year-old pictures where the Moderates’ leader Ulf Kristersson heals at a home party. The party wins hundreds of thousands of voters from the Sweden Democrats until it turns out that Ulf did not heal but just tried to reach a bowl of chips on a coffee table.
OCTOBER
The police’s project “Stop shooting”, which will persuade the gangs to resolve their conflicts in a less violent way, succeeds in persuading Shottaz, the Death Patrol and the Östberganätverket to compete against each other in the TV4 hit “All of Sweden bakes”. The death patrol wins the final with their raspberry muffins and the venture is hailed as a success until the first Swedish crack epidemic breaks out. “We thought that white was flour,” says the producer. “And it is perfectly normal to use several kilos of bicarbonate when baking.”
NOVEMBER
Magda Gad is expelled from Afghanistan because, according to the Taliban’s top council, her ego does not fit in the country. She participates in the second season of the TV series “Swedish power women” where she creates drama by, every time another participant complains about bad wifi, saying: “At least you are not raped in the mud in a Congolese refugee camp.” The own functional drink “Gad almighty” will be a bestseller.
DECEMBER
A homeschooler is attacked with a knife during a lesson. The perpetrator escapes with detention because, according to the court, there were mitigating circumstances: the teacher had used the word “zest” instead of saying “grated lemon peel”.
The antivaxers who previously revealed that “DELTA OMICRON” is an anagram for “MEDIA CONTROL” discover that the letters can also form the words “MERAL CITODON”. They accuse reality soap star Meral Tasbas of being behind the pandemic but are unable to do anything about it because they have developed a serious opiate addiction.
MARS
In a desperate attempt to curb gang violence in Stockholm’s suburbs, the Islamist terrorist group Al-Shabab is allowed to open a free school on Järvafältet. Under the slogan “security and tradition”, they want to be an alternative to the Swedish flume school. “The criticism of our school has nothing to do with reality. It’s bullshit, ”says principal Al-Shabarbara Bergström when the Swedish Schools Inspectorate has views that students are beaten with bamboo sticks and sham executed.
APRIL
Yasin Byn is conditionally released in exchange for “doing something for the young people in the town” and appears in Staffan Hildebrand’s new recording of “Stockholmsnatt”.
MAY
Abba’s holographic live comeback ends in scandal when members ‘digital aliases sing about killing the unfaithful dogs and are cleansed of the martyrs’ blood. When Abba changes his name to Al-Shabbab, it becomes clear who hacked Björn and Benny’s hard drive.
JUNE
Before Abba regains control of his avatars, Al-Shabbab has time to produce the musical “Mamma Mia Sharia” about a mother who is stoned to death because she does not know who is the father of her daughter.
JULY
One of the stars of the anti-wax movement, the house artist Eric Amarillo, who in 2021 recorded a conspiratorial version of his hit “If the truth will emerge”, gets into trouble when it turns out that “DELTA OMICRON” is an anagram for “OMAN ERIC DOLT”. Eric Amarillo is accused of causing Avicii’s death in Oman but manages to convince his followers that the tragedy was due to alcohol, as evidenced by the fact that the letters can just as easily form “TIM CL OROANDE” and “OMAN LOT CIDER”.
AUGUST
The first summer with live rock in three years! But heterosexual men have forgotten how to connect the so-called Ledin grip on their girlfriends during the ballads. 22,000 reports of sexual harassment are received after Håkan Hellström’s concerts at Ullevi.
SEPTEMBER
Expressen publishes 15-year-old pictures where the Moderates’ leader Ulf Kristersson heals at a home party. The party wins hundreds of thousands of voters from the Sweden Democrats until it turns out that Ulf did not heal but just tried to reach a bowl of chips on a coffee table.
OCTOBER
The police’s project “Stop shooting”, which will persuade the gangs to resolve their conflicts in a less violent way, succeeds in persuading Shottaz, the Death Patrol and the Östberganätverket to compete against each other in the TV4 hit “All of Sweden bakes”. The death patrol wins the final with their raspberry muffins and the venture is hailed as a success until the first Swedish crack epidemic breaks out. “We thought that white was flour,” says the producer. “And it is perfectly normal to use several kilos of bicarbonate when baking.”
NOVEMBER
Magda Gad is expelled from Afghanistan because, according to the Taliban’s top council, her ego does not fit in the country. She participates in the second season of the TV series “Swedish power women” where she creates drama by, every time another participant complains about bad wifi, saying: “At least you are not raped in the mud in a Congolese refugee camp.” The own functional drink “Gad almighty” will be a bestseller.
DECEMBER
A homeschooler is attacked with a knife during a lesson. The perpetrator escapes with detention because, according to the court, there were mitigating circumstances: the teacher had used the word “zest” instead of saying “grated lemon peel”.
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